


Coward

by Silveryfeather



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Gen, PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 23:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14531787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silveryfeather/pseuds/Silveryfeather
Summary: Gonrod's act of cowardice.





	Coward

<Warrior Gonrod! Look where you’re firing!>

I snapped out of my haze long enough to see that I had almost clipped another warriors ship with a misfired beam. I was quick to switch off my main weapon, breathing heavily as I do. 

I couldn’t do this. 

Six days before I’m sent out to fight in some insignificant system in some insignificant part of the galaxy. All just because the yeerks managed to find a mineral rich planet that could potentially allow them to build hundreds of ships just from mining from it. 

But I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t die for such a poor reason.

<Warrior Gonrod, you are supposed to be paying attention not only to your enemies but to your fellow warriors as well!> My Prince was displeased with me. He turns his stalks to me, moving his hands from the helm as he stomps his back hooves. <Shoot better!>

Why should it matter if I can shoot or not? I wasn’t trained to fire weapons, I was trained to fly! I understand that I must be able to do both, but by Illistar’s tail, let me do what I am good at! I must be able to control the ship? How could I prevent myself from dying if I could not steer the ship?

<I am sorry my Prince, I will be more careful in the future.> I apologized, straightening up. 

<I do hope so.> My Prince returned to manning the helm, tail raised slightly in obvious irritation. 

At one point I was willing to lay down my life for my people for any reason but after… after what happened when I was made a warrior, I was terrified of seeing the battlefield again. 

My last Prince did not survive my first battle as a warrior. In fact he was flying the ship the same as Prince Nelgar was doing right now. I was at the weapons, same as right now…   
  
I felt a shiver ran down my spine, my hands gripping the controls. No, that certainly wouldn’t happen again. I would be paired up with another warrior of course and I would be making sure I was flying this time. I was good at flying, I should be flying. 

<Okay, let’s get back to the Domeship.> I looked up realizing that our War-Prince was sending out a message to us. I couldn’t help but feel that twinge of relief at returning back to the ship. 

<As you wish War-Prince Ceren.> My Prince glanced at me as the communication screen shuts off. He turns the ship slowly back to the ship, falling in line with the rest of the ships that were heading back as well. <Maybe getting some rest will clear that foolish mind of yours. I don’t want warriors falling to their own.>

* * *

 

<Father, I hadn’t realized you would be calling.> My daughter’s face peered up from the screen at me. I curled my eyestalks into a smile, relaxing my side against the wall.   
  
<I just wished to speak with you for a little bit…> I felt relief as Leniel bows her stalks to me, eyes curling into a smile as well.    
  
<How is the training going?> Leniel lifts her small tail up, almost bouncing as she does.    
  
I laughed quietly, but yet nervously. <Yes it… went rather well. I am still needing of some more practice but I will hopefully be ready when battle comes. How about you? Is your  _ Marlu  _ being kind to you?>

<Of course I am, do you take me to be a poor child minder?> A second face appeared in the screen, glaring up at me with silver eyes. I flinched away at the sight of her. As much as I adored having her take care of my daughter, she certainly was not pleasant to look at.    
  
<Sorry Jara, I hadn’t realized you were in the scoop.> I straighten up with a sigh.    
  
<Tch.> She moves away, disappearing off somewhere out of sight of the camera. She seemed more irritated than normal which wasn’t a good sign.    
  
My daughter checked after her  _ Marlu _ , eye stalks following her before turning to me with a sly smile. <Jara had been trying for a child again.>   
  
<What excuse did her husband make this time?> I sighed, resting my cheek against the wall. As much as I disliked my daughter taking interest in people’s private lives, at least it was better than her ‘practicing’ tail fighting with that foolish male next door.    
  
<He got an electric shock from his equipment and now he can’t get erect.> My daughter answers simply, making me sigh loudly. 

She frowns. <What?>

<Nothing.> I wasn’t quite ready to explain what electricity does for a male. Instead, I steer the conversation into another direction.    
  
<How is your third year of schooling going?> I quizzically tip a stalk off to the side while smiling down at her. Her nose flared a deep blue while she looks away, eyes fluttering rapidly. Oh.

<You got the same teacher didn’t you?> I moved away from the wall, starting to slowly pace around the room. I so dearly hope she didn’t.

<Y-Yeah… She… still does not like me.> My daughter scrapped a hoof against the ground a few times. 

<Have Jara take it up with the head teacher and get them to move you to another class. She purposely fails you!> I kept my voice low but did not hide my anger. 

<I… I will father, don’t worry.> She turns a stalk over her shoulder before looking back to me. 

<How long until you leave.> She was a bit more muted than before. I noticed her ruffling her deep purple fur around her shoulder with a finger. 

<Six days.> I replied, my anger quickly fading at the sight of my daughter’s nervousness.    
  
<Will you be returning to the homeworld before you do?> She looked up at me with her main eyes, hopeful.   
  
<No, not likely.> I felt my hearts clench at her face fading into a disappointed look. I did want to see my child one last time before I left but considering our ship was wandering the edge of our solar system, it would take three days to get back. There was hardly time to do that.   
  
<It’s alright, I’ll see you when you get back then.> I could hear her blade scraping against one of the metal tables nearby. The sound made me flinch heavily in response to it. 

I do want to see you.

<Yes and perhaps we can feed together again as well.> Though it was a weak offer to make, I did enjoy simply spending time with Leniel. 

<Yes… Of course.> She was backing away from the screen now, looking over her shoulder with a single stalk. Her neck turns ever so slightly before she stomps a hoof.    
  
<Jara is calling for me I bett->

<It’s okay my young one, go. I will speak to you in a few days.> I softly say, cutting her off. <Be well my child.>   
  
<You as well, Father.> She didn’t hesitate to turn off the screen after that.

I stood there in silence, hands shaking as I realize that it was likely I wouldn’t be seeing her again. War was an uncertainty that took lives without warning. She would never see me again.    
  
I was the last parent she has! Why am I a warrior? Why did I-

I set down my tablet, breathing in deeply through my nostrils as I do. 

The thought of giving my life for my people was becoming less and less appealing. Not only did I not have the will to die just yet, but I was not willing to leave my daughter an orphan either. 

No, I must survive. 

* * *

 

 

I clung to the controls, trembling. There were simply too many! I wasn’t prepared for this!

<Gonrod, pay attention there’s one coming up on your right!> My partner snapped, irritated. 

I turned the ship in a deep dive, just narrowly avoiding the yeerk fighter. I continued to tremble visibly knowing that this could be the battle that I would die during. 

There’s too many! How are we supposed to fight them!

We had come upon the system we were supposed to be in only to find it infested with yeerks! There were thousands of them and only a thousand of us. This was practically walking into a massacre. We weren’t prepared for this!

< _ Hashlua!> _ My partner spats as I narrowly avoid another fighter’s fire. I watched in horror as a nearby andalite fight bursts into flames after it’s engines were hit directly by a beam. I was quick to turn away from the wreckage, feeling ill.    
  
I breathed in deep, knowing our numbers were dwindling fast. I knew I was getting closer and closer to my own demise. I couldn’t just die, I wasn’t ready! 

I turned my stalk to the right, realizing that we were being tailed by a pair of bug fighters. I glared at the screen for a moment before pulling my ship down, my partner firing behind us. 

My eyes widened as the poolship slowly comes out behind the planet below. More bug fighters came flooding out of an open hatch at the bottom, surrounding the rest of the ships below. 

No. No. No. No!   
  
There were several heading towards us at high speed, each one firing at us straight on. I yanked the ship up, only just having a few clip the wings leaving deep burns. I turned our ship around while the warrior next to me shouted that we needed to get closer.

He couldn’t make the shot without getting us both killed. I wasn’t ready to give my life yet. I still had my daughter at home waiting for me and I just… simply wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to die, not now!

Images of my Prince lying dead against the control panels, killed by the impact of his head hitting against the screen in front of him after a shot manages to hit the hull of the ship, were running through my head. I couldn’t go out that way! What honor was it to die like that in a minor battle?

What honor was there dying for just a bunch of metals and oil?

<Warrior Gonrod, what  _ are  _ you doing?!> I was steering the ship away from battle, sweat sticking to my fur and plastering it to my sides. No, we couldn’t just throw our lives away just to protect some meaningless planet in the middle of a nowhere solar system. Those mineral deposits be damned!

<Gonrod, the battle is back there!> The warrior beside me was starting to come up, moving away from the weapon control. 

A quick swipe with my tail knocked him cleanly out on the floor. 

He wouldn’t be interfering with me.

I pulled back on a handle before jamming my fingers into a few buttons, priming the Z-space engines. I needed to get us as far away from the battle as possible. The Z-space engines on this ship wasn’t designed to go very far, maybe to the end of this solar system, but it would be enough to get away.    
  
I dug my hooves in as the ship rattled, preparing the Z-space engines. I noticed a few bug fighters heading towards us, alerted that we were firing up our Z-space engines. 

They were coming on us quick.

But not quick enough. 

Suddenly the ship sped up and the outside became a blank white. 

 

* * *

 

<Gonrod-Isfall-Sonilli, by decree of this court you have been found of cowardice under fire.>

I stiffen, breathing in deep. I was trying to get us both away from that massacre, I didn’t mean for him to die.    
  
<You will be sentenced to thirty-seven years in the  _ Illinder  _ mountain range.> The old judge then waved a hand, giving a small snort of disgust. <Let’s hope that I won’t have to see another one of your kind here any time soon.>

I lowered my head as I was led away by the two guards on each side of me. I glanced over at my sheathed tail, feeling a wave of dispair at seeing it locked up as so. This wasn’t supposed to be how it ended.

I didn’t mean for this to happen!

My hearts clenched as I continued my slow walk out of the community courthouse and out into the warm light of our two suns. I blinked a few times against the bright rays, breathing in deep. I noticed out of the corner of my eye, my daughter.

She looked at me with wide eyes for a few moments, her tail trembling behind her. Jara was quick to gather her up under her before leading her off, looking at me with a mix of pity and disgust. She knew of my charges and I knew she did not agree with what I decided to do.    
  
Guilt ate at my hearts while I was led into the ship that was going to take me to my prison. I realized that not only had I caused myself dishonor, but now my daughter had to live with being the daughter of a coward. She would not be seeing her only parent until she was a grown adult.

I had fled because we were outnumbered and there was no point in dying in a pointless battle such as that. But in the end, I caused far more damage by staying alive than just letting myself die.


End file.
